Relating to Others Introduction Within this assignment I will explore the ways in which I relate to others. I will identify any barriers or difficulties which could affect my ability to relate to others and therefore have an adverse effect on my role as a helper. Egan (1994) states that to be a fully developed helper, a key component is self awareness. He also suggests that there can be a “shadow side” to helping, which can adversely affect the outcome of the helping process. Sanders et al (2009, p. 69) examines the importance of a helper’s self-awareness.
Without self awareness and knowledge, we all have a tendency to repeat patterns of behavior unconsciously. Therefore in order to ensure that sessions are client centered and not biased, it is important to achieve an insight and understanding of self. Motivation for helping others Throughout my life I have wanted to help others and found myself in Jobs which involved looking after people. I examined my motivation for helping others; I have sometimes helped others because it made me feel useful, accepted and valued. At times in my life, I have experienced low self esteem.
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Therefore by helping someone, I eave felt useful and valued, which has in turn increased my self esteem. This is certainly not a healthy motivation for helping others. In the integrative model, the cognitive behavioral strand helps to identify irrational beliefs that influence behavior and emotional responses. This interest in cognitive aspects of therapy coincided with the emergence of the cognitive therapies, such as rational emotive therapy by Albert Ellis and Aaron Beck’s (1976) cognitive therapy. (McGraw-Hill 2008, p. 41) Using this strand, I was able to identify some dysfunctional automatic negative Houghton. These were around feelings of failure, being stupid, fat or unattractive. These thoughts are unhealthy and unbalanced. I need to accept who I am, instead of striving for other peoples’ approval, praise or recognition. Throughout my life, I have found that people have come to me for help or told me something in confidence. Considering why this happens, I recalled some of the comments such as, I am easy to talk to, I give them time, I am genuine, I listen, I care and that I can be trusted. His, the helper creates an environment which is safe, non threatening and non- judgmental. These are called core conditions; non Judgmental, congruent and empathetic. These conditions, created by the helper, are essential for the helped to explore who they really are in a safe, non threatening environment. Carl Rorer’s developed the ‘client-centered therapy in America between the asses and ass. He believed that if there were a certain set of conditions (core conditions) present in one to one counseling, that would be sufficient to initiate a ‘constructive personality change’. (Milne 2010, p. 71) This is the basis of Person Centered counseling. Reflecting why people seemed to come and talk to me about their problems, I realized that unconsciously, I presented these core conditions. I have also experienced what Egan (1994, p. 18) called the “shadow side”, where some people, who have come to talk to me, had hidden agendas; they did not Just want to talk. How I form relationships Before I was ten years old, I had moved house over ten times and I had attended ten different schools. I found it relatively easy to form friendships with people, as I had plenty of practice.
Looking back at my life, I can see that I have been a popular arson; bubbly and outgoing but at the same time, painfully shy with low esteem. I seemed to strive for peoples’ acceptance, and then I felt valued. Even now I form relationships with colleagues easily, and I still look for acceptance which gives me a feeling of belonging. This can be linked to the Person Centered strand of the integrative model, where I feel valued, accepted, helpful and useful. The Cognitive behavioral strand of the integrative model, can explain why I strive for peoples’ acceptance.
I have over time developed a distorted view of myself, as a selves girl who people would not want to be with, therefore I become a person who I think others want to be with. Sometimes I have found myself doing things out of character, to Join in or to be accepted. I have found that people have wanted to spend time with me, which in turn has fuelled my belief that if they really knew me they would not want to be with me; therefore reinforcing my belief. Barriers and difficulties I find it easy to form relationships, although I do not let people get too close, fearing rejection or hurt.
In the past, I have been hurt by relationships in my life. At the age f three my violent, alcoholic father left my mother and l. I formed a close bond with my mother and took on the role off helper at an early age. Unfortunately my mother is a person who is never happy with either herself or what she has in her life, therefore often over critical of me. I consistently looked for her approval, love and acceptance; both in my past and now. Rooted problems which are often thought to stem from childhood. I have been striving for my mother’s love, praise and never really found it.
Continual disapproval at early childhood can create dysfunctional perceptions of self. (Hough 2010 p. 25). I am now learning to like and accept who I am. Fraud’s psychoanalysis was the original psychodrama theory. Other major theories have been forwarded by Freud, Adler, Jung, Klein, Sullivan and Erikson, though other writers have contributed to the field as well. (Hough 2010, p. 335) I found that my bubbly, happy go lucky persona attracted many different types of men. When I was sixteen, I was taken advantage of and subsequently hurt emotionally and physically.
This caused me to have a dysfunctional view of men. I found that I could not trust men and often found myself using men as they had used e. I felt that I had something to prove to men, especially at work. In the past I have been drawn to typical male Job roles; driving instructor, Police driving instructor and health and safety advisor. I felt that I had something to prove to men and that they could not take advantage of me again. All three strands of the integrative model can be used to help explain what was going on here.
The Psychodrama strand can help explain why I felt that I had to prove something to men both past and present. I trusted a man who abused my trust; I felt I had to ‘beat’ other men at their game. I seemed to be drawn to male Job roles. I was the first female police driving instructor, therefore I was in a male dominated environment where I was motivated to prove myself. The Person Centered strand can be used to explain my feelings of acceptance and valued especially when I am working at the same level as a man.
The Cognitive Behavioral strand can be used to help explain that this thinking and motivation can be unhelpful. Although I have experienced some negative interactions with men, I realize that not all men want to hurt me. If I had continued to have a distorted view of men, it would eave certainly been a barrier to listening too male helped. I would have been biased having already formed a distorted view of the man. I would perhaps react in an unhelpful and unprofessional way towards a male abuser; instead of accepting the person and not condoning the act.
Conclusion I have explored ways in which I relate to others and how past events and significant relationships have affected how I think and behave. I have identified any barriers or difficulties which could affect my ability to relate to others and therefore have an adverse effect on my role as a helper. This self awareness has enabled me to identify OTOH helpful and unhelpful thoughts, patterns and behaviors which may have an effect today. I have linked the significant areas of my life to the three theoretical In order for me to be an effective helper and facilitator, it is essential to be self aware.
If helpers are not aware of their values, beliefs, prejudices and biases, there is a risk that the helper may force their own beliefs onto the helped. To ensure a healthy and safe environment, the helper must be neutral keep the helped at the centre at all times. I continue to look at why I react, think and behave, in the way I do. This is a lifelong recess which will help me to beware of any unhelpful thoughts and feelings which could have a negative impact on me and therefore helped.