Words: 3630
I feel that I have used strong transitions between sentences and paragraphs that reflect in the flow of my essay. There are about 10 things that the Written recommended that I do to edit my writing. Most of these things are removing words or phrases because of wordiness. My instructor has also recommended that I use stronger use of third person because the way I have it written now only suggests the use of third person. While I feel I have covered most of the things needed to make a good essay there are still some changes that I need to make in order to make my essay the best I can.
After reviewing the feedback that I received from the Plagiarism checker and my instructor I feel that I will not need to do as much revising in comparison to how much editing I need to do. The Plagiarism checker didn’t find many things wrong with my essay. In total there were 4 things that matched. The first thing it matched is something from a sentence I had paraphrased from a resource and cited directed after. I do not feel that I need to change this because I did cite it right after. The other things that it matched where web addresses that I had placed in my citations.
After viewing the PAP formatting guidelines I have realized that I do not put web addresses in my citations. Web addresses belong on the resources page at the end of my essay. My rough draft did not include a resources page and that is something follow the schools plagiarism rules when I have cited things in my essay like I have done. I also need to make sure that I correct my citations because they do not currently meet the PAP guidelines. I feel that my revision process will be much easier than the editing process that I need to do because there are fewer things that need revision than need editing. Instructor’s feedback
Have you ever considered the quality of the education our children are receiving? As a parent the quality of education our children receives should be a top priority. Public school has been the standard in education for our children for many years and most parents do not question the quality of the education that is provided. Home school has been a less common option for the education of our children. There are several reasons for this. Most of them are common misconceptions, the biggest of which is that home schooled children do not get the social interaction that is needed to be become a well-rounded individual.
Studies have shown that home schooled children actually have better social skills then public schooled children (Some Fascinating Facts About Homeless vs. Public School, http://www. Home-school. Com, 1993-2012). There are actually many advantages to home schooling in comparison to public schooling. Home schooling provides better one-on-one attention for the student as well as personal education plans that are suited for the individual student. So despite the lack of social interaction, home school is preferable to public school because of the one-on-one attention and personalized education plans.
The biggest misconception of home schooling is that the children do not get the social interaction that public schooled children get. Studies have shown that home schooled children have better communication, daily living, colonization, and maturity skills then public schooled children (Some Fascinating Facts About Homeless vs. Public School, http://www. Home-school. Com, 1993-2012). Home schooled children live in neighborhoods and communities that have other children in them. They do interact with these other children usually on a daily basis.
Home schooled children re required by law to attend the same number of hours as public schooled children do. So many parents will teach their children at home during the same hours that public schooled children are at school. This way they can play with the other children when they are home. This allows the children to get the social interaction that they need. Another misconception of schooling is that most home schooled children come from very religious families that do not allow their children to interact with people or children outside of their religion.
In reality many home schooled children are not in public schools because their parents do not agree with the education that public schools provide. They do not believe that public schools provide the high level of education they want for their child. Parents choose home school over public school for several reasons including health issues, learning disabilities, and convenience. Many Parents will choose home school because their child will get more one-on- one attention then they would receive in public school. Public schools have become so overcrowded making there be a high student to teacher ratio (Public School vs. Home School, http://www. Auctioning. Org/a/public-school-vs.-home-school. HTML, and at different times to help teach the children in their class. Most elementary school class rooms have anywhere from 3 to 5 teaching aids that come in to help the teacher cover different subjects. Usually the children in the class, which will range from 30-45 children per class, will be split into smaller groups of 7 to 10 children. The teacher and teaching aids will then each take a group and teach them a certain subject. This helps them to give the children more individual attention then they would receive with Just the one teacher.
While this is a good strategy it still does not give each child the individual attention that they might need. Home schooled children get the best one-on-one attention because they are usually the only child that is being schooled by the parent. Even in households with multiple children in home school they still get the one-on-one attention because the children are usually in different grade levels and learning different material so the parent will give each child the one-on-one attention they need. Public schools run off of a general education plan for each grade.
This means that ACH grade has a set curriculum chosen by the school that they follow regardless of where each individual student is personally at (Public School vs. Home School, http:// www. Education. Org/a/public-school-vs.-home-school. HTML, 2012). Since each class will contain 30-45 children all will different learning abilities and who learn at different rates the curriculum needs to be more generalized. While generalized education plans do work to a point they do not reach every child to make sure that each child learns everything they can. This causes children in public schools to struggle more with their learning.
They may have a hard time with a certain subject or concept and need extra help that will not be given because of lack of time or one- on-one help. Parents that home school their children have the ability to give their child a more personalized education plan that is tailored to their learning abilities and rate of learning. Home schooled children have to learn the same subjects as public schooled children. The main difference is that the parents get to choose what the child learns and when. The child can then spend more time on one subject or concept if they are having a hard time and less time on others that they get more quickly.
Having the advantage of a personalized education plan gives home schooled students the ability to excel where they would have fallen behind in public schools. A home schooled student has the personal education plan as well as the one-on-one attention that will help them to overcome any challenges that they may have with one subject or another. Public school and home school both have their advantages and their down falls. It is up to the parent to decide what is going to be best for them and their child (Public School vs. Home School, http://www. Education. Org/a/public-school-vs.-home- school. HTML, 2012).
Most parents do not even consider home school because the standard has always been public school. Parents today need to take the time to consider home school for their children because while their child may not get the same social interactions as public schools they will receive better one-on-one attention and a personalized education plan that will better their child’s education. Parents also need to realize that their children will still get social interaction with other children as long as they allow them to go outside and play with the children in of home schooling greatly outweigh the advantages of public school. Your assignment.
The assignment required the following: Good work on Include appropriate transitions within and between paragraphs. The rough draft must be at least 900 words There must be an introduction with appropriate thesis statement There must be at least three paragraphs supporting the introduction There must be a conclusion restating the introduction (thesis statement) and summarizing the supporting paragraphs. Each paragraph in the body of the paper should have topic sentence Each paragraph in the body of the paper should have concluding sentence You fulfilled almost all of the requirements of the assignment and submitted it on mime.
These are the areas where you need to improve: You obviously understand the necessary components off rough draft. If you use material from another source (whether quoted, paraphrased or summarized) you are required to cite the source of that information in the text of the essay and include ALL information regarding that source on a separate reference page. Failing to do this violates the university policy of Academic Integrity. It is suggested that you are using third person point of view in your essay.
Remember that for your final essay you should use the required formatting for your say (see the posts on Writing Style Manual and Essay Guidelines in the course materials forum, Appendix A and the samples in the CUE section of the Library. Please see the comments on your assignment and in the following evaluation rubric. Also refer to any comments I made on your thesis statement in assignment five. I am pleased with your progress thus far. Good Job! Sharon Cassia, Good work on your assignment. You fulfilled almost all of the requirements of the assignment. You did lose many valuable points by posting your submission after the due date.
You obviously understand the basics of edits and revisions. If you use material from another source (whether quoted, paraphrased or summarized) you are required to cite the source of that information in the text of the essay and include ALL information regarding that source on a separate reference the plagiarism report that indicates use of unoriginal material. Please contact me if you have questions. It is suggested that you are using third person point of view in your essay. Remember that for your final essay you should use the required formatting for your essay (see the posts on Writing Style Manual and Essay
Guidelines in the course materials forum, Appendix A and the samples in the CUE section of the Library. Please see the comments on your assignment and in the following evaluation rubric. Also refer to any comments I made on your thesis statement in assignment five. I am pleased with your progress thus far. Good Job! Week 7: Drafting the Essay Resource: Completed Appendix E from Week Six Review the “helpful hints” and rubric posted in the Course Materials Forum Write a draft of at least 900- words that includes your introduction, body, and conclusion.
Use the following to write your draft: Develop an introductory paragraph for your essay. Include your thesis statement an attention getter and background information about your topic in this paragraph. Use your topic outline in Appendix E from Week Four as a guide to develop topic sentences and appropriate types of supporting paragraphs for the body of your essay. Develop a concluding paragraph to sum up the main ideas in your entire paper. Do not add any new information into the concluding paragraph. Include appropriate transitions within and between paragraphs.
Post your draft essay as a Word document to the Assignments link the Certificate of Originality to the Assignments link. Content, Mechanics and Development Possible Points Earned Points Comments Post Rough draft is complete enough for constructive feedback at least 900 words. 10 10 Yes Paper consists of introduction, body paragraphs and concluding paragraph for the final essay. 10 Paper supports one of the approved topics and is aligned with outline from Week 6. Paper develops a central theme or idea directed toward the appropriate audience. 10 The tone is appropriate for the intended audience. Third person point of view should be used. Major points are stated clearly, are supported by specific details, examples, or analysis, and are organized logically. 0 Each paragraph contains a topic sentence that directly addresses the thesis, effective supporting details and a concluding sentence. 10 Appropriate transitions are included within and between paragraphs. 5 5 The introduction includes an attention getter, provides sufficient background on the topic, previews major points and includes previously approved thesis. 10 The conclusion begins with the restated thesis, reviews the major points and ends with a lasting thought. 0 Grammar and punctuation are used correctly. 2 Spelling is correct. Complete sentences are written, free of fragments and run-eons. 1 Rough draft posted as a Microsoft Word document. Subtotal 98 Due Date/Submittal Date 24. NOVO Penalty Points Total Written feedback Have you ever considered the quality of the education our children are receiving? [Writing suggestion: Unless in a quote or a title, avoid rhetorical questions in academic writing. A good idea is to provide answers, not questions] As a parent the quality of education our children receives should be a top priority.
Public school has been the standard in education for our children for many years and most parents do not question the quality of the education that is provided. Home school has been a less common option for the education of our children. There are several reasons for this. Most of them are common misconceptions, the biggest of which is that home schooled children do not get the social interaction that is needed to be become a well-rounded individual. Studies have shown that home schooled children actually [Click: "actual” and "actually” are weak words whose meaning is nothing more than "in point of fact. They are often used as intensifiers but usually can be deleted with no change in meaning] have better social skills then public schooled children (Some 1993-2012). There are actually [see a[see above]advantages to home schooling in comparison to public schooling. Home schooling provides better one-on-one attention for the student as well as personal education plans that are [Writi[Writing suggestion: rewrite the sentence to remove "that are”]d for the individual interact with these other children usually on a daily basis [Wordine[Wordiness: "on a daily required by law to attend the same number of hours as public schooled children do.
So many [Only in slang does "so” mean "very” or "a great deal. ” Correctly used, it requires "that” later in the sentence] will teach their children at home ring the same hours that public schooled children are at school. This way they can play with the other children when they are home. This allows the children to get the social interaction that they need. Another misconception of schooling is that most home schooled children come from very religious families that do not allow their children to interact with people or children outside of their religion.
In reality many home schooled children are not in public schools because their parents do not agree with the education that public schools provide. They do not believe that public schools provide the high level of education they want for their child. Parents choose home school over public school for several reasons including health issues, learning disabilities, and convenience. 2012). Most teachers have several teaching aids that will come in on different days that is being [Doctoral rule (bu[Doctoral rule (but good advice for any academic writer)–elf not a noun (as in "human being”), the word "Being” is hard to imagine; it means "existing. Try to rewrite this without using "being”–with action words like "attending,” "working,” "living,” "experiencing,” simply "as”–or even removing "being” completely]rent. Even in households with multiple children in home school they still get the one-on-one attention because the children are usually in different grade levels and learning different material so the parent will give each child the one-on-one attention they need. Incept if they are having [Writing suggestion: the present progr[Writing suggestion: the present progressive "are having” is an awkward phrase; use the present tense–simply "has,” "have,” or "are to have”]hat they get more quickly. Having the advantage of a personalized education plan gives home schooled students the ability to excel here they would have fallen behind in public schools. A home schooled student has the personal education plan as well as the one-on-one attention that will help them to overcome any challenges that they may have with one subject or another. s up to the parent to decide what is going to [Wordiness: These words mean simply “will”[Wordiness: These words mean simply "will”]ol vs. Home School, http:// www. Education. Org/a/public-school-vs.-home-school. HTML, 2012). Most parents do not even consider home school because the standard has always been [Doctoral- level comment (also recommended for a[Doctoral- level comment (also recommended for any academic writer)–do not divide two-part ERP beginning with has/have/had. Try to place "always” before or after the two-part verb (has been)–"always has been” or "has been always” (or place "always” later in the sentence)]oday need to take the time to consider home school for their children because while their child may not get the same social interactions as public schools they will receive better one-on-one attention and a personalized education plan that will better their child’s education. Parents also need to realize that their children will still get social interaction with other children as long s they allow them to go outside and play with the children in their neighborhood and community. When looking at the two options the advantages of home schooling greatly outweigh the advantages of public school.
Plagiarism Checker feedback Originality Report processed on: 01-Deck-2012 2:33 PM CAST ID: 289193185 word count: 1098 Submitted: 1 essay rough drafty Cassia Taylor Similarity Index 3% What’s this? Similarity by Source Internet Sources: Publications: Student Papers: include quoted include bibliography exclude small matches downheartedness’s mode: 3% match (Internet from 9/2/11) http://www. Cybercafés. Com 1% match (Internet) http://lard. Haploids. Com Essay Rough Draft Cassia Taylor COM/155 November 24, 2012 Sharon Owen Have you ever considered the quality of the education our children are receiving?
As a parent the quality of education our children receives should be a top priority. Public school has been the standard in education for our children for many years and most parents do not question the quality of the education that is provided. Home school has been a less common option for the education of our children. There are several reasons for this. Most of them are common misconceptions, the biggest of which is that home schooled children do not get the social interaction that is needed to be become a well- rounded individual.
Studies have shown that home schooled children actually have better social skills then public schooled children (Some Fascinating Facts About Homeless vs. Public School, http://www. Home-school. Com, 1993-2012). There are actually many advantages to home schooling in comparison to public schooling. Home schooling provides better one-on-one attention for the student as well as personal education plans that are suited for the individual student. So spite the lack of social interaction, home school is preferable to public school because of the one-on-one attention and personalized education plans.
The biggest misconception of home schooling is that the children do not get the social interaction that public schooled children get. Studies have shown that home schooled children have better communication, daily living, colonization, and maturity skills then public schooled children (Some Fascinating Facts About Homeless vs. Public School, http:// www. Home-school. Com, 1993-2012). Home schooled children live in neighborhoods and communities that have other children in them. They do interact with these other children usually on a daily basis.
Home schooled children are required by law to attend the same number of hours as public schooled children do. So many parents will teach their children at home during the same hours that public schooled children are at school. This way they can play with the other children when they are home. This allows the children to get the social interaction that they need. Another misconception of schooling is that most home schooled children come from very religious families that do not allow their children to interact with people or children outside of their religion.
In reality many home schooled children are not in public schools because their parents do not agree with the education that public schools provide. They do not believe that public schools provide the high level of education they want for their child. Parents choose home school over public school for several reasons including health issues, learning disabilities, and convenience. Many Parents will choose home school because their child will get more one-on- one attention then they would receive in public school. Public schools have become so overcrowded