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Almost every family is faced with the challenges of balancing a career, a romantic partner r spouse, individual needs, finances, and the needs of their children. For this assignment, we were expected to interview two parents from different families who have been parents for at least a period of ten years. The 1 OF 16 interviewees included a mother from my church and the mother of my closest friend. By interviewing these parents, learned how they have managed to successfully raise their families while balancing their careers, finances, personal needs, and romantic relationships.
By learning of two different perspectives on parenting was able to predict how my personal renting strategies would possibly be in the future. In addition, I learned about various parenting skills that I had never thought of before and was able to use the 8 needs and 9 skills to create a new variation of the parenting strategies that had thought of in the past. We sometimes fail to realize how much we can learn from others and by completing this assignment, revealed new and more improved approaches of becoming an effective parent while harmonize the other dynamics of my life.
Projective Hindsight Interview This assignment required me to consult with two parents from unrelated implies who have parented for at least ten years while also being successful at maintaining healthy parenting with their personal needs, funds, love relationships, and their careers. Each parent was asked the same 9 questions and then asked to elaborate further on specific questions. The questions focused on the parents parenting styles and strategies, and how their families have developed over the years.
In addition, one of the parents confided in me about parenting a child with autism. This interview was an opportunity to share their parenting experiences with someone who has never parented before. Occupation. What was/is the occupation of this individual? Parent Interview #1: Marlene, a mother from my church and the mother of a dancer from my dance group was the first interviewee. She is a medical Phlebotomy’s at a medical clinic in Winter Haven, Florida (Jericho Johnson, personal communication, April 5, 2015). She has 4 children who range in ages six to twenty-three.
Parent Interview #2: Lovely, the mother of one of my closest friends and also my neighbor was the second individual I interviewed. She is a self-employed realtor in her spare time and a full-time property major for a housing authority. Her work entails her to manage section 8 housing as well as public housing. On average, she states that she works approximately fifty hours a week between her two careers. She has 2 children who are away at college, allowing her to work such extensive hours (Jericho Johnson, personal communication, April 6, 2015).
Highlights of Working Career. What are/were some of the highlights of this persons working career? Parent Interview #1: The highlights of Marten’s career include creating a bond between her and her patients as well as “having the ability to save someone’s life. ” She enjoys knowing that her patients leave her work facility lining much better than when they came in and this makes her feel as if she has contributed positively to others lives (Jericho Johnson, personal communication, April 5, 2015).
Parent Interview #2: The highlights of Lover’s career include being able to assist and reach out to her lower class residents. The majority of her residents are young, single mothers with very low paying jobs and multiple children. She enjoys not only helping her residents find homes, but also discussing with them life goals, priorities, job opportunities, and raising their children. As a successful mother, she trusts that she is in a DOD position to offer advice to those who need guidance and support. Structure and Strategy.
Briefly describe the family structure and the primary parenting strategy this person has used to parent. Parent Interview : Marlene is a single mother with four children who range in ages six to twenty- three. As a single mother with no male figure in the household, she has chosen to use an authoritative parenting strategy. She has set clear, appropriate boundaries for each child, however, she is flexible and willing to negotiate under certain circumstances, such as when each child begins to tauter and express a yearning for responsibility and trust.
Since she has been a parent for twenty-three years, she has learned that what may have worked for one of her children may not work successfully for the others. For example, some children gained a sense of responsibility and trust at an earlier age, however, she has always been flexible and willing to compromise with each child. She stated that her parenting style is warm, affectionate, and attentive to each of her children. In addition, Marten’s parenting style allows her a sense of power while also allowing her children to share their thoughts on issues.
Lastly, Marlene has a six year old daughter with Autism and to deal with her child with a disability, she States “l try to treat her no differently than my other children. ” Parent Interview #2: Lovely has a traditional family structure which includes a married couple with two children, ages eighteen and twenty-one. As a parent, she has found that authoritative parenting works best for her family because her children have always shown responsibility and trustworthiness. She has set boundaries and clear expectations for her children, however, she is lenient, flexible, and willing to adjust the rules if the circumstances are appropriate.
Her parenting strategy exhibits high warmth and responsiveness and she is always available for her children when they need her. Furthermore, now that her children are off at college, she has begun to back away and let them live their lives, however, she still maintains communication with them each day and is always available to provide guidance, love, and support (Jericho Johnson, personal communication, April 4, 2015). Balancing Parenting and Individual Needs. What are the Top 3 things this person has done to try to balance parenting with meeting his/her individual needs throughout his/her working career?
Parent Interview #1 : The top 3 things that Marlene has done to try to balance parenting with meeting her personal needs throughout her working career as a Phlebotomy’s includes: Taking a lower paying, part-time job in order to spend more time with her children; Finding a job near her home in order to spend less time commuting to work every day so that she has more time to do other things she enjoys; Working at a job where her work schedule is flexible, which permits her to send her kids off to school each morning as well as take her children to doctors appointments and school field trips.
Marlene states that ere personal needs revolve around her children and if they are happy, so is she (Jericho Johnson, personal communication, April 5, 2015).
Parent Interview #2: The top 3 things that Lovely did to try to balance parenting with meeting her individual needs throughout her working career includes: Thoroughly discussing the weekly duties with her husband and children each week to assure that everyone knows the weekly plan; Choosing to work in careers that allowed her the ability to choose her own schedule; Becoming the dance instructor at her church so that she has a weekly outlet, the ability to influence other children, and the ability to fill her “empty-nest” while her own children are away at college (Jericho Johnson, personal communication, April 4, 2015).
Balancing Parenting and Romantic Needs. What are the Top 3 things this person has done to try to balance parenting with his/her romantic relationship (e. G. , marriage) throughout his/her working career? Parent Interview : Marlene is a single mother and is not in a romantic relationship. She has preferred to remain single for the last several years because her children, which includes a child with autism, require a lot of her time. If she ere to begin a relationship she would choose to do family activities together such as taking vacations to the beach and taking road trips.
She would also give equal time to her spouse and each child so that no one felt left out of the relationship. Finally, when they took trips as a family, she would hire a babysitter to take on the trip so that her and her romantic partner could also share private time. Parent Interview #2: Lovely has been married to her husband for twenty-three years and she admits that she and her husband very rarely go out on dates. When they do things together other than going to he grocery store or going to visit their children, it is more than likely at a church event such as a Valentine’s Day dance or a church anniversary.
In addition, they go to church together each Sunday and they sometimes go out to eat after. In order to balance parenting with her romantic relationship, her and her husband would, and still do: Plan vacations where their teenagers could go their separate way while she and her husband could do something together; Engage in each other’s activities and interest’s such as her going to the gym with her husband and her husband going to Cam’s Club with her ACH weekend; Going to church every Sunday morning to build their relationship spiritually. Balancing Parenting and Money Management.
What are the Top 3 things this person has done to try to balance parenting and money management throughout his/her working career? Parent Interview #1 : The top 3 things that Marlene has done to try to balance parenting and finances throughout her working career includes: Creating a monthly budget that primarily focuses on purchasing only necessities and items that are used on a daily basis; Allocating a set amount of money to her children each month which can be used for their personal activities; Building a savings through her KICK and working towards establishing an emergency savings. Aren’t Interview #2: The top 3 things Lovely has done to try to balance parenting and money management throughout her working career includes: Setting aside a set amount of money each month to go towards her children’s college funds and any other long-term expenses her children will need; Sacrificing her own personal wants so that she can satisfy the wants and needs of her children; Getting rid of all the family credit cards except one in order to limit overspending and the risk of debt.
Enabling Children. What are the Top 3 things this person has done to try to help his/her children learn to meet their individual needs, prepare for successful romantic relationships, manage money well, and prepare for future employment?
Parent Interview The top 3 thing that Marlene has done to aid her children to meet their personal needs, prepare for successful romantic relationships, manage money, and prepare for future employment includes: Instilling in her children the value of giving back rather than always receiving; Allowing her middle daughter to babysat, which permits her to manage her own money; Explaining the do’s ND don’t of a romantic relationship to her children and trusting that she has taught them everything she knows the best way she can.
Parent Interview #2: The top 3 things Lovely has done to teach her children how to meet their money, and prepare for future employment includes: Allowing her children to engage in any extracurricular activity they wanted to as long as it Was reasonable and they stuck to it for at least a year; Teaching her children about sex and relationships and allowing her children’s romantic interests to spend time at their home so that they are not engaged in inappropriate and ungenerous behaviors; Requiring that her children earn nothing below a “B” in their academics so that they can be accepted into a good college and receive high paying careers upon graduation. In addition, while she has taught her children about each of the aspects above in one form or another, she has been fortunate enough to have children who needed very little attention in the above areas (Jericho Johnson, personal communication, April 5, 2015). Interviewees Balance Advice.
What advice could this person share with you about how you could best balance parenting with individual needs, work, mantic relationships (e. G. , marriage), and money management successfully throughout you career? Parent Interview #1 : Marlene shared with me that providing a close to equal amount of time to each aspect of my life would be the key to maintaining a balance. Giving equal time to each part of my life ensures that are not neglecting one aspect while giving too much attention to another. She stated that it is easy to get so consumed in our lives that we fail to recognize that we may not be showing adequate attention to our children, our spouse, or our jobs. In addition, she stated that communication teen my spouse, children, career, and other aspects is essential.
This makes sure that each member is on the same page and understands that time must be shared and set aside for each individual aspect. Parent Interview #2: Lovely shared a lot of advice with me in regards to how to successfully manage my duties as a parent with the other aspects Of my life. She informed me that parenting can be a challenge but that it will be much easier if take it one day at a time. In addition, she stressed the importance of making sure that am happy with the goals and things that I have done with y life before bringing a child into the world because once begin a family, the majority of my time and energy will be going towards my children.
She also informed me that my spouse and should learn good money management skills before starting a family and that having a big house and nice cars is not the key to making my family happy and successful. Lastly, she told me that if show my children unconditional love, support them in all of their endeavors, openly communicate with them, and guide them towards a successful life, they should never stray away from me (Eric Johnson, personal communication, April 4, 2015). Implementing the Interview and Advice. What are the Top 5 things you will do based on this interview and advice, to effectively balance parenting with individual needs, work, romantic partners (e. G. , marriage), and money management successfully throughout your career?
Parenting Interview After interviewing Marlene and learning of her effective parenting strategies, the top 5 things that I will do to effectively balance parenting with personal needs, work, romantic partners, and finances include: Creating a budget that insures that the family needs are met first and foremost; Being sure that every family member must attend ND support family events such as dance recitals, choir concerts, and any other important events occurring within the family; Setting aside one weekend per month for my spouse and me to enjoy a date night, as well as discussing what is going on in each other’s lives each night before bed; Establishing my own law firm prior to my children beginning grade school so that my work schedule will be flexible, allowing me to fully experience all of the activities in my children’s lives; Finding at least two personal hobbies that can engage in at least twice a week such as working out at the gym or joining a weekly group just for mothers.
Parent Interview #2: Each family is unique, however, from speaking with Lovely the top 5 things that I will do to effectively balance parenting with personal needs, a career, a romantic partner, and finances include: Engaging in at least one personal activity each week such as going to the gym or joining a church ministry; Establishing a private law firm so that I have flexible hours and job autonomy, allowing me to spend more time with my family; Taking at least one getaway vacation with my spouse each year so that we can create private memories together; Establishing a lifestyle where my family lives well within our means and souses first and foremost on needs rather than primarily on wants; Immediately seeking family or couple counseling if a strain ever occurs within my family. My Personal Parenting Strategy For this portion of the assignment have established a personal parenting plan that I will use to achieve success as a loving and caring parent. This strategy incorporates the 8 Needs and 9 Skills that will be used to help not only myself, but also my children to meet their personal needs. This strategy was formulated using knowledge from my interviewees, prior knowledge obtained before this course, and new knowledge gained from taking this rouser. 8 Needs Develop Positive Picture of Yourself.
Each day before school, I will tell my children at least one thing they do or one trait that they possess that makes them nothing less than perfect. In addition, when my children are at a point in their lives where they feel low, will make them look in the mirror and tell themselves three things that make them an awesome individual who is capable of any and everything. Develop Close Real-Love Relationships. To teach my children how to develop real-love relationships, I will set a good example by treating everyone I meet with love and respect. If my children see this behavior, they will be more likely to do the same thing once they begin to develop relationships.
In addition, I will always treat my children with love, nurturer, and respect so that they will pass the love onto others they form relationships with. If I make my children feel unloved or neglected, they will more than likely make others feel unloved and neglected as well. In order to teach my children the true meaning of love and how to love Others, I must first show them what it means to be loved. Feel Like They Belong. To make my children feel like they belong will plan Emily activities that incorporate each child’s ideas so that they feel as if they have a say so as to what occurs in the family. In addition, growing up I never felt as if belonged in school and I had almost no interactions with the other children.
However, to ensure that this does not occur with my children I will engage them in colonization at an early age by setting up play dates and influencing my children to interact with others. Instead of staying in their rooms watching television, they will have to go out and play with other children in the neighborhood. In addition, my spouse and I will set aside one- n-one time with each Of our children so that they get the chance to interact with their parents with no interruptions. However, the most important thing that I will do to show my children that they belong is by showing them unconditional love regardless of the circumstance. Receive the respect of others and themselves. To teach my children to receive the respect of others and themselves I will lead by example.
If I respect myself, then others will respect me and my children will understand that the key to respect is to respect themselves first. In addition, I will stress o my children that respecting their siblings is important as well, so that they will not think that respect is only for adults. This will make them realize that they must also respect their peers if they want to get along with and be liked by their peers. However, trust that the best way I can prepare my children to learn to receive the respect of others and themselves is to instill in them the values Of kindness, unselfishness, and the trait Of being nonjudgmental. If my children are equipped with the above characteristics, they should have no problem receiving the respect of other and themselves.
Feel worthwhile/develop healthy self-esteem. To make my children feel worthwhile, I will constantly let them know that I am always available for them. I will let them know that they can talk to me about anything such as school, their future goals, and even their romantic relationships. In addition, I will help them develop healthy self-esteem by never using contempt and criticism towards them and by only using positive, loving tones and words when speaking to them. Instead of saying “l do not think you can do this,” when they ask to join a sport that they know very little about, I will say “l know o can do this because I have seen all of the things you are capable of doing. Among everything that want for my children, truly want them to know that will support them in everything they aspire to do because know they are capable of any and everything that they set their mind to. Feel competent. To help my children feel competent, I will support and encourage them to try various extracurricular activities and then eventually help them work to become excellent at one or two. When I was younger, I attempted every sport imaginable, however, was not very good at any of them, which made me feel as if I Was not competent. To keep my children from experiencing what did, they will be encouraged to stick to and become awesome at one or two of their favorite activities.
Too often we think of quantity over quality, however, I would prefer my children be successful at one activity and feel good about themselves rather than be engaged in several activities, yet they lack a feeling of competence. Experience growth. Growth is an essential part of transitioning through the different life stages. To aid my children in experiencing growth will help them establish a mindset of growth rather than a fixed mindset. To help my hillier do this I will give them appropriate levels of responsibility such as giving them age-appropriate chores and giving them some independence in regards to making some of their own choices. In addition, will encourage my children to engage in activities that they would not normally engage in.
This will allow them to try new things and possibly find something that they never imagined they would be good at. In addition, I will teach my children spiritual growth by involving them in the Christian church by taking them to Sunday school and church service. They will also be involved in several church ministries. Furthermore, I believe that this is the best growth that I could ever instill in my children because I believe God can allow them to experience more growth than anyone else ever could. Feel safe and secure. To help my children feel safe and secure I will be sure that they always have adult supervision until they reach an appropriate age where they can be left alone for short periods of time.
I will also provide them with cell phones in case of emergencies, however, will monitor their cellular activities to be sure that they are not talking to strangers. In addition, I will each my children safety skills such as watching out for their surroundings at all times, being cautious about who they socialize with online and in person, and who to call in the case of an emergency. As my children get older I will place more trust in them to be safe when they are out of my presence. I will also stress to them that I am constantly making sure that they are safe simple’ because I love and care about them-not because I am out to ruin their lives. Skills Don’t criticize.
Criticism can greatly take a toll on a child’s self-esteem, self- worth, sense of competence, and overall well-being. To make sure that I do not engage in damaging my child’s feelings about themselves, I will neglect using harsh, harmful, judgmental words to my children. I will always aim to get my message and point across to them, however, I will never do so in a condescending way. On the other hand, they must also realize that criticizing others will not be accepted. If they do criticize someone else they must apologize to the individual and commit to never do so again. Doing so a second time would result in additional chores or privileges being taken away Don’t use contempt. My children must treat everyone with respect, specially adults.
Punishment will ensue if they behave in disrespectful behaviors such as talking back, mocking, rolling their eyes, sucking their tell and ignoring authority. Punishments for disrespectful behavior would include not being able to go out with friends, having their cell phone taken away, losing computer or television time, and any other positive punishment that would decrease the likelihood of the behavior occurring again. Don’t be defensive. Each of my children must take full responsibility for the actions and behaviors against themselves and others. I will stress to them hat ignoring responsibility can result in ruined relationships and a loss of trust.
As they get older, I will try my best to show them how to communicate their problems effectively with others. In addition, my husband and I will leak by example by showing them how to talk through their problems with others Furthermore, if there is a disagreement among any family members, the members will be required to discuss the matter and my husband and I will serve as a mediator in order to avoid defensiveness. Don’t stonewall. Similar to above, stonewalling will be avoided by making any disputing family members sit down and discuss the issue with a editor. In my home there will not be an option to avoid the person and if common ground cannot be determined, then both of the family members WI face consequences.
While I will give my children time to calm their feeling an’ emotions before discussing the matter, there will be a reasonable limit as to how long they have before they must discuss the issue. My children Will understand that animosity towards others will not be accepted in my household as it can negatively affect the attitudes and feelings of others who may not be involved. To demonstrate communicating effectively, my husband ND I will avoid stonewalling. Do calm down. Learning to calm down before discussing an issue will be a rule in my household. Before sitting down calmly and discussing a dispute, each member involved must take a minimum of 30 minutes to calm down and regroup their thoughts.
If someone in the family says something hurtful and inappropriate before calming down, they will have to face consequences. It is proven that when we calm down before discussing an issue, we eliminate many negative thoughts. By calming down first, it is less likely that there will be contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. When my husband and get onto an argument, we will both take at least 30 minutes away from each other in order to calm down so that we do not say hurtful things to each other in front of our children. If our children see us being rude and disrespectful to each other after an argument, they will think that it is acceptable.
However, if we set a good example, they will do the same. Do complain about issues you have. Families face many issues and challenges. In order to lessen the issues that my family faces on a regular basis, we will hold a required weekly meeting to discuss the issues that have arisen within the past week. In addition to the meetings, I will stress to my children that am available to talk to them about any issues they may have at any given moment. If I see that my children are upset, will encourage them to discuss with me whatever the problem is. However, will never force them to discuss their issues but I will simply encourage them to talk to me when they are ready.