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She had been kick for 3 years, and when she woke up her and her husband talked. He told her out of the blue that people at work kept asking him if she dies is he then going to marry Annette. She was hurting so much because of that, her heart ached and she couldn’t think clearly. She suspected that Earl and Annette were having an emotional affair, but was shocked that they would be planning marriage when she was on the brink of death. Earl and she had been married for 13 years, and up until her illness she had thought that they had a pretty strong relationship. So apparently, Earl and Annette had worked gather for years.
In matter of fact Earl and she would hang out with Annette and her husband at all the company functions and other events. Then Neonate’s husband died suddenly. She felt sad and empathetic and befriended her. Annette would come to their house for holidays and such. Then she became very ill, and then that’s what she believes was the beginning of this very strong emotional bond that developed between them. Earl began leaning on Annette for support. It is interesting to note that even at the very beginning his co-workers seen the strong emotional affair they were having.
Then a few weeks after surgery a friend had asked her if she could watch her two boys for her, but she said no cause she didn’t want to watch four children; including her two. Earl chimed in, saying yes that they could watch the boys because he would be home and he would take charge. That Saturday morning Earl got called into work. At noon, he called her and told her that he was going out to lunch with Annette, because she wanted to talk. She told him, but he had said that he would be there to watch the boys. He promised he would be there by 5:00. He asked if she would be k with the ids for three hours.
She said yes, but then five came and he wasn’t there she started getting angry and jealous. Six came, still no Earl. By now, all kinds of thoughts were racing through her head. She started to envision Earl and Annette in bed together at her house. She tried calling Neonate’s home, but there was no answer. Then finally eight came she found herself outside, beating the crap out Of his truck and his garage door as she screamed and yelled. This went on for quite a while, until she found herself lying on the driveway in tears. Proof that an emotional affair hurts just as bad as a hysterical one.
Her friend had told her that if he was having an emotional affair, that she should stop it. She said she would never let her husband go to a restaurant with another woman. Finally he arrived at one in the morning, she called him every name in the book then; and then he said that she should be glad that Annette and he talked. That Annette and him talked and that they both value marriage and would never do anything to destroy it. As the years progressed, they got friendlier and friendlier. 80th of them always denied that there was sexual contact.
They were definitely quite intimate in their conversations. Often the participants of an emotional affair, do not think they are cheating because there is no sex involved. However, she thinks what was happening to them was an emotional affair; that in the end ended up destroying her self-esteem. In the end she ended up divorcing him. In conflicts there are three defensive reactions: Attacking the critic where a person will counterattack, use verbal aggression or use sarcasm. Distorting critical information where they will try to rationalize what happened, focus on he good things, or play the victim.
Then lastly there is the defensive reaction where they will actually stay away, mentally block the conflict, pretend they don’t care and to take it out on someone else. How a person should handle a conflict is another aspect all on its own. They must identify the conflict, and its unmet needs. Then appropriate a time/place to speak about it, but the person must use take ownership of their feelings. Best way to do that is using “l’ statements, then they must actively listen, seriously consider the other party’s response and needs. Combine those needs and resources in a free flow exchange of information.
Next negotiate a resolution, and lastly they must follow up on that resolution. In the example I provided on top the reader can see how defensive reactions apply to it. When the husband had finally arrived home at one in the morning after being all day with another women, the wife started to Attack the Critic; she was verbally aggressive. Unlike the husband who in the whole situation was either Distorting Critical Information or Avoiding. How he was doing this was that he would try to rationalize what had happened by eying that all they did was talk, that they would never do anything while he was married.
He was also physically staying away from his wife, he was always with Annette. Either with her at a restaurant or just away when she called him to her. Also believed he mentally blocked the conflict, because how can someone be with another women for so long and not see how much it’s hurting his own wife. All in all they didn’t really handle the conflict well. Though the wife did try to find a solution, she did identify the problem and try to get him to understand what it was. He however, didn’t see it.
But if he had he should have cut of all ties with Annette, or at least had told her that they couldn’t see each other no more outside Of work. That it wasn’t right, that it was hurting his wife. They should of discussed this at their house, and actively listen to one another. Then they would should have seriously considered one another’s point of view and combined their needs in a free-flow exchange of info. Then they would of negotiated a resolution where the husband spends more time with his wife rather than more time with another women. Lastly, they would have followed up on that resolution.