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As human beings, we have set rules engrained into our minds called customs. Many of these vary from culture to culture but some are quite universal. One of those very universal rules, though the degree still varies, is the idea of personal space. In America, we have a strong sense of personal space, especially when it comes to strangers. In this experiment, I challenged this custom by invading the personal space of a couple strangers I encountered in my day to day life. I also tried the opposite and denied some close friends the attention and physical contact that usually entails our greetings.
This paper describes my findings from this test. I first tried my space invasion on a girl I met at the Interpol concert at the Hard Rock Live in Orlando, Florida. It is very common at concerts to be standing quite close to other people, even touching other people for most of the show but there is still a sense of boundary and personal space. When I first walked in to the show, I bought an eight dollar beer and went to find a good spot to stand. I stood beside a girl who was standing by herself and looked to be waiting for someone.
I started up a conversation about who was opening for Interpol and the talk was actually going quite well but then I started testing her space. I moved closer as I was talking and she first just took a step back. She didn’t seem wary or concerned at that point, she was just establishing her space again. So then I turned as though I was looking for someone and slid closer again. Again, she moved slightly away and then she started looking around, probably wondering when her friends were going to get there. I tried to start up some talking again while moving too close and at that point she turned on me.
She had a new look in her eyes and she was showing signs of being a bit turned off. She responded very shortly and then scurried off to find a new spot to stand. I decided that was an experiment accomplished and just enjoyed the rest of the show, and more beer. I tried my next test on someone at my work. I work in a warehouse and we often get shipments delivered by semi-truck. After working there for a while, I’ve come to know the people that drive the UPS and Postal Service trucks but the rest of the truckers we often see only once.
As soon as the trucker walked up the ramp and brought me the invoice to sign, I stood way too close. I invaded this guy’s space even more than that of the girl at the concert. I stood too close and looked at his face or in his eyes the entire time. This time, the subject was affected from the beginning. He would shift his eyes constantly, not wanting to look at me, and he continued to shift his weight and move further away from. Good thing for me, he was not an angry person but instead wanted to avoid conflict by making his discomfort unnoticed.
Of course, since I was looking for this kind of behavior, it was easy to spot. From these two experiments, I have learned that no matter how charming you may seem or how casual and short the interaction is, people always have a sense of space and boundary and do not like that being invaded. Of course, some people in our lives expect more than a stranger’s handshake as interaction. Those people that are close in our lives do not employ the same boundaries that strangers do and if you deliberately keep yourself out of that space, you can notice changes in their behavior.
I first did this on a small scale with two of my friends, Johnny and Colin. When they came over to my house, instead of greeting them at the door with a hand-slap and smile, I instead opened the door and turned around and walked right back into to small room where the laptop computer is. I don’t know what conspired between them but I walked back out into the living just a minute later and they were playing SKATE on the Xbox. I sat down but didn’t instigate any conversation at all. I saw them look at each other and they later admitted to me that they were wondering why I was acting weird.
I left the room again for a minute without saying anything and I heard them whisper something to each other, which I later found out was questions as to my behavior. When I returned to the room, I explained what I was doing and they seemed relieved and both started laughing and telling how they were starting to get pissed that I was being so distant and cold. My lack of the usual physical contact and friendly symbolism had produced the reaction that I had expected. Now it was time to try this on my very close friend Kim.
For the sake of the experiment, I will call her my girlfriend, as that is what our relationship basically entails. We were hanging out drinking a bit at my house with several people over. Kim often goes home but because she had been drinking a little too much, she decided to stay over that night. Kim went to bed about an hour before I did, but she always wakes up when I climb in beside her. This night was no different and as I slid into bed she woke up and turned toward me for a goodnight kiss but I adjusted the sheet instead and rolled over to face the opposite direction without even saying anything.
With Kim, it didn’t take five minutes of weird looks before she asked questions. Immediately she propped up on her elbow and nudged me and asked what was wrong. I almost dragged out the experiment to see how far she would push it before she got mad but instead, I chickened out and explained it right away. She said she would have been very mad and probably wouldn’t have forgiven me even after I explained it had I stayed silent. Overall this experiment and the reactions to it occurred as I had expected.
The strangers acted off-put and disturbed by my boundary invasions. Even after a good first impression with the girl at the concert, my inability to stay out of her space was enough to scare her off. My close friends acted the way I thought they would as well. I’m not sure how long it would have taken for my friend Colin and Johnny to actually break down and ask me why I was acting how I was, but I expected them to take more time than Kim and that is just how it turned out.