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Do you remember seeing commercials; for this medicine it can help you with your one problem. But [Eliminate conjunctions (e. G. , and, but, so) at the beginning of a sentence. ] don’t [Avoid the use of contractions in formal writing (e. G. , Don’t = do not)] forget that you get at least five different medical problems that could be life risking [Incorrect use of this word. Please consult a dictionary to find the word’s definition and to locate the right word for this context. ] . With this magical [Incorrect use of this word. Please consult a dictionary to find the rod’s definition and to locate the right word for this context. Plant, you can have symptoms of sleepiness, hunger, and Inner peace . This plant will also help fight against the pain that you can feel; [Use a semicolon between two main clauses not joined by a conjunction. Use a semicolon before and a comma after a conjunctive adverb. Delete or replace semicolons where they are not required. ] emotionally and physically. There has also been not one death recorded in history from marijuana use. [Assertions need support with sufficient evidence. ] The death from western- medicines Is a number I’d rather not state. It Is mass genocide and It needs to stop. Hemp, the future fiber!
I have done my research on hemp on many different subjects . The ratio of paper that hemp can produce compared to a regular tree is . Hemp also grows to Its maximum size In 4 [Use words for numbers zero through nine] months compared to years for a tree. You can make stronger cloth fibers for clothes and other fiber related items. Hemp seed oil has been going through a research process to make fuel for cars and other vehicles. Henry Ford has made [Check verb tense] a hemp frame for a car; this car was h [Use words for numbers ere through nine] the weight and four times stronger than a reinforced steel frame.
President George Washington was a man of respect and honor. Who happens [Shift In verb tense, number, or person] [Check verb tense] to grow hemp. Benjamin Franklin has also been reported to growing hemp as well. [Check verb tense] [Shift in verb tense, number, or person] Before marijuana was made Illegal, there was an article stating that marijuana will be the first “Billion Dollar Crop! ” This plant is the future and I want to be the one to take advantage of it. Last but not least [Eliminate cliches. Colloquial language, slang, and Jargon In formal writing] is the money that marijuana can bring to this economy.
Not only can you get so much from the hemp that will be grown in industrial size, but you can also look at all of the people that smoke marijuana on a dally basis. 4 out of 5 [Use words for numbers zero through nine] people have reported that they smoke weed. That means that If we are able to tax this, there would be billions of profit that will be spends millions for Jails to keep people with petty marijuana offenses. The police are pending countless hours of their time Just to get marijuana users when there are killers out there.
If we saved that time and money for better things, I know we as a whole can do better for our people. Marijuana is going to become legal soon. It is Just a matter of time. When this time comes [Add comma here for clarity or to offset an afterthought from the rest of the sentence] I believe we should take advantage of it. There will be so many benefits to having this natural plant being used in society; [Use a semicolon between two main clauses not Joined by a conjunction. Use a semicolon before and a comma after a conjunctive adverb.
Delete or replace semicolons where they are not required. ] uses we are blind to because the government was so scared in the past. Times have changed and so has everyone’s o pinion. Tyler Wallach’s Commentary Essay. Don Wylye Well 12:30 ONCE 1101: Written Communication 1 Commentary Essay Scoring Rubric Content and Development 80 points Points Earned 48/80 Additional Comments: – spans 2014 All key elements of the assignment are covered in a substantive way. The paper is focused on one of the required topics. The paper is a minimum of 500 to 800 words in length.
Tyler – this is not a strong paper. You have some strong opinions, but you need to go into them and provide some support or rationale for them. You throw around a lot of absolute sentences that are Just not supportable. The commentary lacks critical thinking; it feels as if you Just dashed it off without putting any effort into it. There are also a number of mechanical writing errors. Please reread your essay carefully to see where I have noted these. The content is comprehensive and accurate and the essay is in the genre of a commentary.
The paper develops a central theme or idea directed toward the appropriate audience. The paper remains focused on the key points and uses supporting information to support those points. Paragraphs contain topic sentences, supporting details that focus on a single idea, and a concluding sentence. Major points are stated clearly; are supported by specific details, examples, or analysis; and are organized logically. The introduction provides sufficient background on the topic and previews major points. The conclusion is logical, flows from the body of the paper, and reviews the major
Thesis is clear and concise (25 words or less) and located in the first paragraph (preferably the last sentence of the introduction). Organization/Development 10 Points 7/10 Paragraph transitions are present, logical, and maintain the flow throughout the paper. Please see my specific comments throughout the essay. The tone is appropriate to the content and assignment. Sentences are complete, clear, and concise. Sentences are well constructed, strong, and varied. Sentence transitions are present and maintain the flow of thought. Mechanics Rules of grammar, usage, and punctuation are followed.